Taking Things Personally
Sep 13
/
Linda Meredith
Our core path through all of this is the opposite of what we have known all our life. Throughout our life there has been a lack of experiencing giving and receiving love. Complex Trauma begins to heal effectively as we learn to love our choices, our life, those around us etc irrespective of how it compares to our life goals and dreams. Bring authentic love back into your heart for yourself, fill your bucket of love up, and give from there. Our internal system will thank us for bringing love back into ourselves. The love drives out fear and builds courage for the road ahead. Choose love despite our past. Love wins.
This article was posted on our original blog at Healing from Complex ptsd, May 21st 2021.
There's Layers we Need to Address
We need to think things through. With Complex Ptsd when anything changes within the context of a relationship we can and do easily take things personally because it touches on the unresolved trauma inside of us. The unresolved trauma is our responsibility to work with and learn how to recover from it.
It's vital we remember we are all human, even when dealing with mental health professionals. In our humanity we are all going to make mistakes, we are all going to have bad days, and we are all going to stuff up royally. Gosh, I did last week simply through not reading my schedule properly, and then not remembering it properly.
It's vital we remember we are all human, even when dealing with mental health professionals. In our humanity we are all going to make mistakes, we are all going to have bad days, and we are all going to stuff up royally. Gosh, I did last week simply through not reading my schedule properly, and then not remembering it properly.
Rethinking our Mistakes
I didn't set out intentionally to hurt anyone, not ever. But my stuff up meant I did not come across professionally. I could have sat in shame and guilt for my mistake but I chose not too. I apologised and I gave back more than I needed to. I did the best I could to make amends, then I had to put it down and make a note to never do this stuff up again.
When reading messages, we read them through our own abandonment wound, our own I was never loved or cared for wound, our own emotional neglect wound, our own Complex Ptsd wound of multiple layers, and that's okay. What's not okay is expecting others to pick up our pieces and make us whole because only we can do that ourselves. It's hard work and takes courage and we can do it one step at a time.
When reading messages, we read them through our own abandonment wound, our own I was never loved or cared for wound, our own emotional neglect wound, our own Complex Ptsd wound of multiple layers, and that's okay. What's not okay is expecting others to pick up our pieces and make us whole because only we can do that ourselves. It's hard work and takes courage and we can do it one step at a time.
Inflexible Thinking
When we've come from such incredibly toxic, dysfunctional families it's hard to turn our mind around to the reality that there are people who do care for us AND who also have a right to healthy boundaries. Complex Ptsd leaves us with inflexible thinking. We need to work with our inflexible thinking in order that we can return to participating in healthy relationships.
Healthy relationships require flexible thinking, a state achieved through our recovery process. To go into relationships or to have relationships without flexible thinking will mean one of two things are happening. We return to our people pleasing ways, our codependent ways, and the other person takes from us repeatedly or we are so rigid no one can be around us because it's our way or not at all.
Healthy relationships require flexible thinking, a state achieved through our recovery process. To go into relationships or to have relationships without flexible thinking will mean one of two things are happening. We return to our people pleasing ways, our codependent ways, and the other person takes from us repeatedly or we are so rigid no one can be around us because it's our way or not at all.
Working with our Deep Pain
In order to feel safe to develop new relationships we need to first get comfortable feeling compassion for others, being curious about others and caring about others and courage in the face of our own fears that these first two emotions bring up within us. It's our internal self we work with to bring about the changes and healing we need. No one else can do it for us.
Emotional maturity comes from being willing to take on responsibility for our whole selves, to take on more responsibility and understand our internal self instead of avoiding it by taking on responsibility for other peoples lives. Emotional maturity is further enhanced as we face what's inside of us that doesn't belong and we choose to do the painful work, the most courageous work, of dealing with deep pain.
Emotional maturity comes from being willing to take on responsibility for our whole selves, to take on more responsibility and understand our internal self instead of avoiding it by taking on responsibility for other peoples lives. Emotional maturity is further enhanced as we face what's inside of us that doesn't belong and we choose to do the painful work, the most courageous work, of dealing with deep pain.
Love Wins
Our core path through all of this is the opposite of what we have known all our life. Throughout our life there has been a lack of experiencing giving and receiving love. Complex Trauma begins to heal effectively as we learn to love our choices, our life, those around us etc irrespective of how it compares to our life goals and dreams. Bring authentic love back into your heart for yourself, fill your bucket of love up, and give from there. Our internal system will thank us for bringing love back into ourselves. The love drives out fear and builds courage for the road ahead. Choose love despite our past. Love wins.
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Trauma Self-Check (Educational)
This short self-check is educational only. It does not diagnose trauma.
If you feel triggered or overwhelmed, please pause and reach out to your local supports.
Developmental Trauma Self-Check
Over the past 12 months, how many and how often have you noticed:
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I work hard to hold it together in public, then crash in private.
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I struggle to name what I feel until it overloads me.
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I say yes to keep the peace, then feel resentful or empty.
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I feel loyal to people who do not treat me well.
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I lose time or feel foggy when stressed.
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I avoid closeness or over-attach quickly, then panic.
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I find it hard to trust my own judgement.
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I feel shame when I try to set boundaries.
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I need external approval to feel steady.
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I push through fatigue instead of pausing.
How to use this:
0–3 items often: you may be using a few survival patterns.
4–7 items often: consider paced support to rebuild safety and choice.
8–10 items often: a trauma-trained professional can help you restore stability and connection.
By completing this self-check, you understand it is for educational reflection only, not assessment or therapy.
Brain Impact Self-Check
This self-check explores how developmental trauma can affect daily brain function.
No personal details are stored. Please read at your own pace.
Over the past 12 months, how often have you noticed:
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My mind jumps to what could go wrong, even in safe moments.
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I find it hard to remember recent details when I am stressed.
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Decisions feel risky, so I delay or avoid them.
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I forget good experiences quickly and dwell on the bad.
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I feel numb or overwhelmed, with little in-between.
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I lose words when emotions rise.
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I misread neutral faces or tones as negative.
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I struggle to notice body signals like hunger, tension or breath.
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I do better when someone I trust is nearby.
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I feel different “versions” of me in different settings.
How to use this:
0–3 often: some protective habits; gentle self-care may help.
4–7 often: consider trauma-trained coaching to build daily brain skills.
8–10 often: a paced, brain-based plan can restore clarity, memory and confidence.
These reflections align with NeuroSynqt™’s brain-based, experiential process — a framework that supports identity repair, clarity, and sustainable recovery.
Your practitioner may use validated questionnaires.
For formal assessment, use recognised measures:
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ACE-IQ or ACE-10 for adversity history (education only on public pages).
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ITQ (International Trauma Questionnaire) for ICD-11 PTSD/Complex PTSD.
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DERS for emotion regulation, DES-II for dissociation, PCL-5 for PTSD symptoms.
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PHQ-9, GAD-7 for mood and anxiety; OSSS-3 for social support.
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