My youngest is 22 and he’s amazing. We both have our mental health challenges and we’ve had to work hard to even find him the help he needs. We’ve butted heads on occasions and he’s taught me to speak up for myself. So much so I can now let him know when he’s not right about something relating to me. 

I hadn’t realised just how much I’d been shut down by people who refuse to communicate to understand. Their communication was always I’m right, you’re wrong and the answer is no. Nics taught me to speak up because when I get angry at him and shut down he’s insisted I need to let him know how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking, despite the fact it’s possible he’ll have to reflect on his behaviour and ways he relates.

Yesterday I started helping him apply for his birth certificate and usually us working together is deadly Today I’ve had to drive him places and throughout the entire process we’ve navigated everything gently with humour.  

I developed a severe headache despite running through all the things we’d need to do today in my mind last night because that’s Complex Trauma. No matter how much the planning we still can’t stop the brain/body response, we allow for it and roll with it. Mind you this is far better than I used to be. In the past I suffered mind blowing migraines that required 30 mg of morphine and knocked me out for three days. So functioning with a headache is streets ahead of my past health challenges.

I bought headache tablets when I was out and promptly forgot to take them as I’m on antibiotics and somehow my thought process assumed I’d taken the headache tablets too.  

Finally, I’ve taken them and we’re out and about again. I was actually sitting at my desk thinking I’d have to find stronger tablets as the head pain was getting unbearable It helps to remember to double check I’ve actually take them. 

Communication with self reflection on both sides is vital. 

Brené Brown says vulnerability and I agree, and with Complex Trauma we also need education, skills and structures to help or we continually go around in circles. 

Deeper understanding is required on both sides and as a parent I learn from my adult children about what they do and don’t need from me by being willing to have open communication, by being willing to drop the generational hand me down of “my way is best” or “I’m right, you’re wrong therefore you’re the one with the problem plus any other family hand me downs ie “I had it way worse than you what’s your problem?” 

I raised my kids to know they can take what works from my parenting, leave the rest and develop what works for them. 

It’s definitely been healthier than what went before me. 

Here’s to celebrating our courage for taking one next step.