Life Beyond Narcissistic Abuse - A Tale of Strength & Persistence
This article was posted on our original blog at Healing from Complex ptsd May 18th 2020.
"We are retraining our brains to heal what they've been through, what they were wired to do when we had no choice."
- Charlotte Beaty Thigpen
Because I’ve had so much time on my hands, I have been working on cleaning and organizing my home. Today it was paperwork day, Ugh!
I was making amazing progress, throwing things out left and right and shredding things as needed. Then it hit me, I came across the folder from my divorce. The folder that contained all of the legal documents and notes I had taken during that time. Whoa!
A little backstory, I was married to an alcoholic narcissist for 12 years. We had two children and when they were 9 and 11, I filed for divorce. We, meaning myself and my boys, simply couldn’t handle it anymore. I will spare you all of the details, but leaving became not only an option, but a necessity.
Leaving was hard and trying to work with a narcissist in this type of situation, is difficult at best. As was he, difficult the whole time. He was non compliant and threatening throughout the entire process.
Finding this folder tonight brought back so many unhappy memories attached to some intensely stressful times. Also in this folder were the two restraining orders that I had to file on behalf of my children.
While we initially shared joint custody and placement, the time came where I had to have each child removed from his home and was granted full custody each time for each of my sons. Again, I’ll spare you the details.
I’ll be honest, I cried tonight, and I cried hard. I cried for what we all had to go through, but also, because going through all of that brought me to the good place that I am in now.

I’m sharing this with you today, you, whoever you may be, that needs to hear it, so that you can have some hope. If you’re going through a divorce or attempting to leave a narcissist, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel you are staring down right now. Have hope.
Whomever the narcissist in your life is or was, I want you to know that healing is possible. A meaningful and purpose filled life is possible post narcissist, I am living proof of that.
Has it been easy, no. It has required me to take some long hard and emotional looks at myself. Yes, you read that correctly. I had to look at myself and seek to understand why I made the choices that I did and admit to myself that I no longer wanted to continue making the same mistakes I had been making with regards to relationships.
When I started to understand why, part of that why being from a childhood abandonment wound, and of course part of it from being with a narcissist for so long, I recognized myself. I recognized who I no longer wanted to be, not because I was bad or flawed, but because who I was, was formed early on in my life and I had some retraining to do.
So, I’m in training too, here with all of you. We are retraining our brains to heal what they’ve been through, what they were wired to do when we had no choice in the matter.
We now have the necessary information regarding complex trauma. I’ve been taking the courses offered by Linda and have been with the group for about a year and a half now, making great strides. Am I healed, no. Healing takes time, but it is possible.
I am here, ready and willing to do the work necessary to be my best authentic self and I feel privileged to be amongst all of you. Whether you know it or believe it, you all help me heal with each post you share and with each comment you write. Thank you!
Peace and much love to you all.
Charlotte
#togetherwecan
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Terms and Conditions
Developmental Trauma Self-Check
Over the past 12 months, how many and how often have you noticed:
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I work hard to hold it together in public, then crash in private.
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I struggle to name what I feel until it overloads me.
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I say yes to keep the peace, then feel resentful or empty.
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I feel loyal to people who do not treat me well.
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I lose time or feel foggy when stressed.
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I avoid closeness or over-attach quickly, then panic.
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I find it hard to trust my own judgement.
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I feel shame when I try to set boundaries.
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I need external approval to feel steady.
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I push through fatigue instead of pausing.
How to use this:
0–3 items often: you may be using a few survival patterns.
4–7 items often: consider paced support to rebuild safety and choice.
8–10 items often: a trauma-trained professional can help you restore stability and connection.
Brain Impact Self-Check
Over the past 12 months, how often have you noticed:
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My mind jumps to what could go wrong, even in safe moments.
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I find it hard to remember recent details when I am stressed.
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Decisions feel risky, so I delay or avoid them.
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I forget good experiences quickly and dwell on the bad.
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I feel numb or overwhelmed, with little in-between.
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I lose words when emotions rise.
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I misread neutral faces or tones as negative.
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I struggle to notice body signals like hunger, tension or breath.
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I do better when someone I trust is nearby.
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I feel different “versions” of me in different settings.
How to use this:
0–3 often: some protective habits; gentle self-care may help.
4–7 often: consider trauma-trained coaching to build daily brain skills.
8–10 often: a paced, brain-based plan can restore clarity, memory and confidence.
For formal assessment, use recognised measures:
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ACE-IQ or ACE-10 for adversity history (education only on public pages).
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ITQ (International Trauma Questionnaire) for ICD-11 PTSD/Complex PTSD.
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DERS for emotion regulation, DES-II for dissociation, PCL-5 for PTSD symptoms.
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PHQ-9, GAD-7 for mood and anxiety; OSSS-3 for social support.
