Transforming the pain before it spills over and becomes venom spewed at those we love most takes time, self-examination and the willingness to own your emotions. Think about it this way. You wouldn’t walk into a shop and yell and scream at the person serving you, so why are you continuing to do this with those that love and support you the most? Why would you want to pollute your mutual atmosphere with that stinky, blocked toilet smell? Obviously, the answer is you’d prefer not to. Let’s begin.

Step 1.

Begin disciplining yourself NOT to spill your verbal diarrhoea before it leaves your mouth. Literally, slap an imaginary STOP sign over your lips, zip them, clench teeth, whatever it takes to NOT spew forward a trail of poop. Heck, jump up and down, run around the block, hop on one leg, just don’t unintentionally spill what’s been clogged in you with someone you love.

Please Note: This exercise is NOT to deny your emotions, thereby closing your heart. The exercise is to give you practical assistance in identifying your emotions AND working with them in a healthy manner. i.e. not hurting the ones we love because we are hurting.

Step 2.

Sit, identify and list your emotions. See the table for assistance in identifying them. Remember, generally speaking,  we aren’t raised with an emotional vocabulary. This is a healthy activity you’re doing for yourself and your loved ones. Once you begin to identify your emotions it’s possible to assist others with language to identify their emotions. Or print out this article for them.

Step 3. 

Next sit quietly and give thanks for these emotions. Why? To repeatedly focus on the negativity of your emotions keeps giving you the feeling of internal chaos, and pushing you into the corner of spewing forth that negativity. Giving thanks for them will free you from them. It’s an exercise in thankfulness.

Here’s the Practical Steps ~

1. Stop. Take a moment to just breathe

2. Slow your breathing down and feel one emotion at a time

3. As you feel each emotion say “I give thanks for feeling …….” and release the feeling from around your heart.

4. Repeat step 3 until your list is complete.

Step 4.

Restoring your Relationships. I don’t think I can overemphasise the importance of communication in relationships, and restoring both ourselves and our loved ones into an atmosphere of peace is a top priority. They’re the individuals that will be with us through thick and thin.

The ability to give a heartfelt apology is learnt. It’s not an automatic function for humans as we’ve often got too much ego running around. Teach yourself to apologise from your heart, teach children to apologise from their heart. We all know a heartfelt apology when it’s given, and when it’s not given. Apologise for your behaviour and let those close to you know that you’re working on change.

Step 5.

Learn to communicate effectively. When we choose to set time aside, turn off the devices and distractions, and sincerely listen to each other, a lot of wounds are mended and new ones avoided.

Please watch this video on the 5 agreements for effective communication. They can also be applied for effective communication with young adults.

Video; The 5 Agreements of Communication

The 5 Agreements of Communication

1. Agree to a set time to share

2. Agree who will talk first and who will listen

3. Agree to state what you need from your partner when you’ve finished talking.

4. Agree to listen to understand and meet the stated need to the best of your ability.

5. Agree to a time limit (if necessary).

Please remember that transforming the atmosphere within you and around you happens slow and steady. You’re the tortoise, not the hare in this race!

Blessings and dreams,
Linda