Linda Meredith is a Brisbane based Clinical CPtsd Counsellor and Complex Trauma Educator offering online CPtsd counselling for adults with developmental trauma through NeuroSynqt™, a brain based integration framework.'

9 Signs of Fear of Abandonment

Sep 16 / Linda Meredith
The fear of abandonment is a deeply rooted issue, often stemming from past experiences of rejection or neglect, and can significantly impact relationships and self-worth. Recognizing the signs of this fear is crucial for understanding how it shapes behavior and emotional responses. In this post, we’ll explore nine key signs of abandonment fear, helping you identify this pattern and begin the process of healing.
Two years ago I came across a list of the signs of Fear of Abandonment. It’s been a journey involving learning how to trust my decisions, learning how to trust my gut instinct and having courage to hold true to my values. It’s been worth it.
If you were to choose one of these that's impacting your life now, today, what would it be, and what is the belief driving it? 

When I read this list I was like "what?" I could barely believe there was a list that explained the areas of disorganised attachment I need to work on. Fortunately a couple of them, people pleasing and perfectionism, I've been working on for some time. 

Here's the big one for me though - Partners who cheat and/or leave the relationship. I had no idea! And, this is definitely a pattern I can see on repeat throughout my life. 

I was driving home last night pondering how come this keeps happening. What did I need to overcome in my recovery? Was it part of my disorganised attachment? What was it I couldn't see that I needed to address. 'Cause lets face it, having people cheat on you rates at zero on the fun list in life! 

Searching for the belief I was holding onto I understood finally! I believed everyone would leave me. 

When I was younger, my parents separated for a time, and my brother and I were sent to live with different sets of relatives. 

Essentially what kid isn't going to believe that everyone leaves when the whole nuclear family left overnight? My parents got back together, then separated again. Here's the crunch. When my dad left the second time my greatest fear that I didn't know I was holding onto was that mum would leave too. 

We're kids. And as adults, we hold this emotion in our bodies and subconscious until we can process it. Then, and this is the important part, we take steps to address the belief and change it around. 

We take steps that regain our power to act, to trust our judgement, to see the people who are short on character and know that we can choose to keep moving right along in our recovery. 

May this bless your heart and soul and help you break the cycle too. I know for me, I won't be going down this road again.

If you’re recognising these patterns, it usually goes deeper than individual signs. These reactions are often part of a broader abandonment pattern seen in CPtsd, where the brain is predicting loss before it actually happens.

👉 Read more: Why You Feel Abandoned So Easily - CPtsd and Abandonment Patterns

When To Take This One Next Step

If this keeps happening - even when you can see it clearly then it’s not a lack of insight. 

It means something is happening underneath awareness that hasn’t been worked with directly yet.

If you have one of those moments that doesn't settle, you can bring it. One specific situation. The one that still doesn't make sense.

I'll break down what happened in real time, why that shift occurred, and where your focus needs to go if you want it to begin changing.

You don't need to explain everything. Just the moment. 👉 Get Your Written Response: One Next Step

You don’t need to figure all of this out on your own. You just need one moment that doesn’t make sense - and a way to understand what’s actually happening in it, literally how you can recognise and take your one next step.


Investment

No ongoing commitment. One focused response.
Built around your specific situation.

This is not ongoing support - it’s a precise starting point.

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If it keeps happening - and your insight hasn’t changed the outcome 

This is where you get your clear answer. You don’t need to figure it out first. You just need to
bring the moment that still doesn’t make sense. 

References

This article draws on established research in complex trauma, attachment  and brain based patterning, including the work of: Herman (1992), Bowlby (1988), van der Kolk (2014), Courtois and Ford (2013), Siegel (2012), Schore (2003), and van der Hart, Nijenhuis and Steele (2006).

It also reflects the clinical framework NeuroSynqt™, developed by Linda Meredith through decades of applied practice and education in CPtsd recovery.
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