Two years ago I came across a list of the signs of Fear of Abandonment. It’s been a journey involving learning how to trust my decisions, learning how to trust my gut instinct and having courage to hold true to my values. It’s been worth it.
If you were to choose one of these that's impacting your life now, today, what would it be, and what is the belief driving it?
When I read this list I was like "what?" I could barely believe there was a list that explained the areas of disorganised attachment I need to work on. Fortunately a couple of them, people pleasing and perfectionism, I've been working on for some time.
Here's the big one for me though - Partners who cheat and/or leave the relationship. I had no idea! And, this is definitely a pattern I can see on repeat throughout my life.
I was driving home last night pondering how come this keeps happening. What did I need to overcome in my recovery? Was it part of my disorganised attachment? What was it I couldn't see that I needed to address. 'Cause lets face it, having people cheat on you rates at zero on the fun list in life!
Searching for the belief I was holding onto I understood finally! I believed everyone would leave me.
When I was younger, my parents separated for a time, and my brother and I were sent to live with different sets of relatives.
Essentially what kid isn't going to believe that everyone leaves when the whole nuclear family left overnight? My parents got back together, then separated again. Here's the crunch. When my dad left the second time my greatest fear that I didn't know I was holding onto was that mum would leave too.
We're kids. And as adults, we hold this emotion in our bodies and subconscious until we can process it. Then, and this is the important part, we take steps to address the belief and change it around.
We take steps that regain our power to act, to trust our judgement, to see the people who are short on character and know that we can choose to keep moving right along in our recovery.
May this bless your heart and soul and help you break the cycle too. I know for me, I won't be going down this road again.
